The Krippies! Basically, I've decided every April 30th (our one year anniversary for those of you who haven't been paying attention), I'm going to be giving out the "Krippies." These distinctions, some of them dubious, are the highest levels of merit the oligarchy of Kriplekistan has to offer those found worthy enough to be published. Some will be awarded to those who have displayed incredible ignorance, hypocrisy, deceptiveness, self serving smugness, hilarious amounts of stupidity, as well as those worth mentioning due to their bravery, fortitude, intelligence, competency, and all around kick assery.
The categories for this year's Krippies are:
1. Leftist Buffoon. Jimmy Carter with his baffling support for terrorist elements in the West Bank such as Hamas, vs. Hugo Chavez for covertly supporting FARC as well as his continued sabre rattling in South America.
Odds: Chavez 4-1.
2. Loudest Smackdown. The Georgia Dawgs complete dismantlement of Hawaii in the Sugar Bowl vs. The King of Spain Juan Carlos telling Hugo Chavez to shut up at the Ibero American summit.
Odds: Georgia 3-1.
3. Worst Hypocrite. Elliot Spitzer soliciting large amounts of prostitution from $5,000 an hour ladies of the night, while at the very same time over zealously prosecuting those who had done the same vs. The Democratic Party in Congress, the self professed champions of free speech, attempting to create a law which would force liberal commentators on conservative talk shows in the interest of "fairness."
Odds: Push.
4. Biggest Liar. Keith "bathtub boy" Olbermann for intentionally distorting and lying on his show about a story done by Major Garret of Fox News vs. Hillary Clinton and her misadventures and mis-remembered story regarding her trip to Tuzla, Bosnia. Odds: Hillary Clinton 5-2.
5. Smuggiest Douchebags. MoveOn.org and their reprehensible ad in the New York Times referring to General Petraeus as General "Betray us" which shows a lack of creativity more than anything vs. Newsweek's article which explained that driving a hybrid car isn't really about helping save the environment, or making sure that less American $ goes towards unstable regimes in the Middle East, but instead is all about saying "look at what I'm doing for the world."
Odds: MoveOn 2-1.
6. Total Demagogue. Lou Dobbs and his daily xenophobe hour on CNN every night, blaming all of America's ills from high gas prices to Eczema on the mythical open border policies of the US vs. Howard Dean, who aside from being a complete hypocrite when it comes to even the most basic of policies, is close to becoming known as a grossly incompetent chairman who let his party descend into civil war.
Odds: Howard Dean 3-2.
7. Candid Camera Careerist. This is between the two groups of people who really wish they weren't rolling the tape during their respective "incidents." On one hand, we have the group of trailer trash teens who lured an unsuspecting cheerleader into their house and then pummeled the poor thing for over an hour vs. The happy little terrorist, who unfortunately never saw his end coming until he was imitating Oprah's book of the month "a million little pieces."
Odds: Push.
8. Best City Mentioned on Kriplekistan. This is too easy. San Diego vs The Field.
Odds: San Diego 1,000,000-1.
9. Most Intelligent Observation. George W. Bush's last State of the Union address in which he informed those who complained taxes were too low that the IRS accepts checks and money orders vs. The New York Daily News telling Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to "Go to Hell" on its front page.
Odds: New York Daily News 7-2.
10. Toughest Dogs in the Desert. Lebanese Army units who refused to let their country disintegrate and fought back againist al Qaeda and Hezbollah militants vs. The Iraqi Armed Forces, Sunni Awakening Councils, and Kurdish Peshmerga fighting back against Al Qaeda, the Mahdi Army, and Iranian Quds force for the soul of Iraq.
Odds: Iraqi forces 7-1.
Ok, those are your candidates ladies and gentlemen, the odds are good indicators but remember upsets do happen. Take some time and ponder over the possibilities, I'll post the outcomes shortly.
The categories for this year's Krippies are:
1. Leftist Buffoon. Jimmy Carter with his baffling support for terrorist elements in the West Bank such as Hamas, vs. Hugo Chavez for covertly supporting FARC as well as his continued sabre rattling in South America.
Odds: Chavez 4-1.
2. Loudest Smackdown. The Georgia Dawgs complete dismantlement of Hawaii in the Sugar Bowl vs. The King of Spain Juan Carlos telling Hugo Chavez to shut up at the Ibero American summit.
Odds: Georgia 3-1.
3. Worst Hypocrite. Elliot Spitzer soliciting large amounts of prostitution from $5,000 an hour ladies of the night, while at the very same time over zealously prosecuting those who had done the same vs. The Democratic Party in Congress, the self professed champions of free speech, attempting to create a law which would force liberal commentators on conservative talk shows in the interest of "fairness."
Odds: Push.
4. Biggest Liar. Keith "bathtub boy" Olbermann for intentionally distorting and lying on his show about a story done by Major Garret of Fox News vs. Hillary Clinton and her misadventures and mis-remembered story regarding her trip to Tuzla, Bosnia. Odds: Hillary Clinton 5-2.
5. Smuggiest Douchebags. MoveOn.org and their reprehensible ad in the New York Times referring to General Petraeus as General "Betray us" which shows a lack of creativity more than anything vs. Newsweek's article which explained that driving a hybrid car isn't really about helping save the environment, or making sure that less American $ goes towards unstable regimes in the Middle East, but instead is all about saying "look at what I'm doing for the world."
Odds: MoveOn 2-1.
6. Total Demagogue. Lou Dobbs and his daily xenophobe hour on CNN every night, blaming all of America's ills from high gas prices to Eczema on the mythical open border policies of the US vs. Howard Dean, who aside from being a complete hypocrite when it comes to even the most basic of policies, is close to becoming known as a grossly incompetent chairman who let his party descend into civil war.
Odds: Howard Dean 3-2.
7. Candid Camera Careerist. This is between the two groups of people who really wish they weren't rolling the tape during their respective "incidents." On one hand, we have the group of trailer trash teens who lured an unsuspecting cheerleader into their house and then pummeled the poor thing for over an hour vs. The happy little terrorist, who unfortunately never saw his end coming until he was imitating Oprah's book of the month "a million little pieces."
Odds: Push.
8. Best City Mentioned on Kriplekistan. This is too easy. San Diego vs The Field.
Odds: San Diego 1,000,000-1.
9. Most Intelligent Observation. George W. Bush's last State of the Union address in which he informed those who complained taxes were too low that the IRS accepts checks and money orders vs. The New York Daily News telling Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to "Go to Hell" on its front page.
Odds: New York Daily News 7-2.
10. Toughest Dogs in the Desert. Lebanese Army units who refused to let their country disintegrate and fought back againist al Qaeda and Hezbollah militants vs. The Iraqi Armed Forces, Sunni Awakening Councils, and Kurdish Peshmerga fighting back against Al Qaeda, the Mahdi Army, and Iranian Quds force for the soul of Iraq.
Odds: Iraqi forces 7-1.
Ok, those are your candidates ladies and gentlemen, the odds are good indicators but remember upsets do happen. Take some time and ponder over the possibilities, I'll post the outcomes shortly.
Comments