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Sanctimonious Douchebag Hippy Jackasses


I know I usually at least try to be witty with my titles, but I felt this new post needed to be politically incorrect exactly because of this week's topic. A recent article came up in Newsweek in which a man, Peter Kessner, laments that he had to trade in a "normal" looking hybrid, a Honda Civic hybrid, for a new Toyota Prius because, wait for it...............HE WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW HE WAS DRIVING A HYBRID. Un-@#$%ing believable. Aside from the 2 inch plate on the back of the civic indicating it is eco-friendly, there is no way to tell the car is an actual hybrid. Therefore, the act of doing a good deed isn't what is important to the self described "devout environmentalist," it was all about the amount of hype his fellow greenies gave him. What is absolutely fantastic about this entire article, is that its not just about the complete ostentatiousness of one man, but AN ENTIRE MOVEMENT.

The article continues (here is the entire link http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20438234/site/newsweek/)mostly about how Toyota and Honda are now vying for the attention of greens across the country by coming out with cooler and more attractive hybrids, but also has some more gems interwoven such as this beauty.

"Owning a hybrid is all about saying 'Look at what I'm doing for the world'," says auto analyst John Wolkonowicz of Global Insight. "If you can't say that, the whole purchase is a waste of time."

Hold on, something magical is happening, I'm getting my first ever feed back from mother earth, the wind just blew in with the spirit of Gaia and whispered: "Can I get another load of the pretentious crap?" These people are almost making my job obsolete, I don't even have to look for the hypocrisy anymore.

The last time I checked, hybrids still use gasoline, and gasoline still burns into CO2. If any, and I mean any of these inane human beings actually cared for the environment, they would buy cars that run on e85 ethanol, a biofuel that leaves less emissions than a hybrid, and burns fuel derived mostly from corn and other organic materials. But, that would defeat the very purpose of helping the planet, because no one would know about it!

Honestly, you in the audience will have to excuse me. I hardly ever get this worked up over these issues, no matter how ridiculous they might sound. In fact, they have a saying in Croatian I'll have to use which goes "Manje emocije," basically meaning "less emotion, think more." In fact, this post was originally going to be dedicated to the upcoming summit between North and South Korea, only the 2nd meeting of its kind since the 54 year old war began. However, that meeting has since been postponed due to flooding in North Korea and the meeting will now take place in early October, giving me free time to analyze this scorcher (pardon the pun) of a topic.

Anyway, I'll cut this short because Trey Parker and Matt Stone have already done the honor of completely lampooning these people and the amount of "smug" they create. Before anyone asks however, I live in Washington D.C., I don't drive a car, I use the metro and walk when I need to get somewhere, and have been a member of the Sierra Club, World Wildlife Federation, and the National Arbor Day Foundation. So to all you wanna be eco lowlifers, your pedestals just got a little lonelier, because this avid Republican is a notch higher....douchebags.

Comments

G.H. said…
Nevermind the fact that an outward display of support for hybrids -- that is, driving hybrids that are recognizable as that -- might actually show some sort of cohesion and influence others to do the same. Aside from the fact that using some kind of corn-oil-whatever substitute would be most ideal, using less gasoline is generally presumed to be a good thing and should probably be encouraged, right? Or did I just miss that somewhere in here?
- Graham
August 29, 2007 at 6:33 AM
Matt said…
Haha no Mr H.C. you're exactly right. Thats why I was so incredibly frustrated with these people, it wasn't the fact that they were already driving hybrids, it was that they didn't stand out enough for their own taste. In their eyes, doing a good deed isn't the important part, at least not until people see you do it. This is where e85 comes in. If they wanted to be as eco friendly as possible, they would use e85 cars (which by the way use 15% gas, hence the 85, so they're not totally free). So, 15% gas, vs decently better mileage has no bearing on their mind, only that people see them driving their spacey looking cars in order to act as some sort of conscientious currency, which in the end to me serves as a mild and self serving gesture towards fighting pollution at best.
August 29, 2007 at 4:39 PM
G.H. said…
I agree with you -- it's stupid. But environmentally conscious people are consumers too, and they often care just as much about fashion and some kind of stereotypical conservative caricature who wants the biggest SUV possible. I think it's a shame and all, but you know -- it's just the postmodern world in which we live.
August 30, 2007 at 6:35 AM
Matt said…
"some kind of stereotypical conservative caricature who wants the biggest SUV possible."-Pick any SEC school. Ha. Yeah man, just wait till Fuel Cells hit the road, we'll all be made in the shade.
August 31, 2007 at 4:24 PM
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